I got a call today... From this girl I love with all my heart.. The chances of us being together just took a nosedive..
Life sure is a bitch...
The shitty thing is.. It was pretty obvious that us being together will take nothing less than the hand of God working at such a breakneck speed, that it would make the creation of the universe seem like mere child's play..
Yet I went about everyday.. Loving this girl.. cuz... I cant help but love her.. I've heard people tell me, why do things which has no future? or it is a bad thing to love a girl you cant be with..
Well.. I just have one fuckin thing to say out.. I don't give a shit about what you say.. When the girl you care for more than yourself, needs someone.. will I move back and say like one of them 'now jobless' investment bankers, 'ah.. sorry.. ur not a worthy long time investment'? Fuck no!
I'd give my life for her.. Just to see her smile another day..
I guess at the end of it all.. life really isn't about all the money, sex, fun and games... its about the experience you've had.. I've experienced euphoria being with her.. Now.. I experience an intense heart break... and it pains like fuck..
and all I can think about is.. I would live in this pain forever.. if only.. it would bring her a life of joy beyond anything she has ever had so far..
Well.. call me a girl.. call me a homo.. but yeah.. I (the souless, heartless male species).. suffer heart breaks also.. and.. yeah... we do love..
Let me tell you the truth.. us being 'macho' and complete arseholes is just our way of trying to make girls never truly reach ur heart.. cuz.. once a girl really touches our heart.. she will always be a part of u.. forever...
I have one girl in my heart.. forever..
I may not have her in my arms during those cold winter nights keeping her warm.. but my wasted heart will beat hopelessly till the end of days... longing for the times when it skipped a beat, whenever I saw her..
Friday, October 3, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Ever get up at night cuz something has been bothering you? No, I'm not talking of a stomach upset or other such bodily functions!
It so happened.. that.. off late.. I thought to myself.. have I changed myself? or.. are some of the people around me changing... I know.. it is a kinda stupid question to loose some really valuable sleep over.. but.. strangely.. I just couldn't sleep!
So I did what every self respecting man would.. Go online and watch porn..... nah.. just kidding..
I decided to write myself out.. maybe describe what I feel.. maybe then.. the turbulence inside will finally calm itself down..
But this is where things suddenly changed.. Here I was.. awake at 4 in the morning.. thinking about my little world.. and just surfing through the net, I get a email forward (one among the millions!) on Police brutality on protesting nuns (protesting about the recent vandalising done to churches) and hunger in the world.. Was pretty much a slap on my face..
Here I am.. feeling sad about myself... when the world out there.. seems to be hell bent in destroying each other..
We have people going nuts because, and I quote an awesome video from youtube, 'you believe in another imaginary God than we do'.. People vandalising churches, mosques and temples.. The atmosphere all charged up.. everybody up in arms.. after all.. how can we bear such an insult.... they come into our homes (yes.. the same very temples and churches that we dreaded and rolled up and played dear to avoid going.. is now the most important building in our life!).. tarnish the idols (most people after reading the news report now realise that the temple/churche or babe heaven as most of us knew it, also had an idol inside :P)
Now how can we NOT kill a few dozen innocent people from their side for such a dastardly act! Afterall, the new idol with the black polish on it surely looks like it changed its race.. Imagine the torture the temple/church preiest will go through.. trying to clean it up! Or still worse.. Imagine if he can't clean it.. Suddenly the God seems less holy now that his race is changed.. I bet they wouldn't even care that the idol has a nice waxy shine cuz of the rubbing..
Now.. I know I'll probably have to apologise to half the priests around and hide cuz of the fatwah that will be now issued on me, but, don't you think its about high time we stopped giving a crap about what people do to our 'holy scared religious places'? I mean, sure, it is not very curtious to do such a thing, but, the very second you let it get to you.. you become the sucker in this!
I wonder how things would be in an alternate universe.. where the majority are atheists.. Would there be violence everytime someone puts a little Jesus or whatever statue in an Atheist temple (or disc or metro or wherever they gather)? Imagine the pain one would undergo, but looking at such a thing.. called as.. "Gawd" or.. is it spelt 'God', oh who cares.. Lets just go and kill people..
Guess its us, the fortunate ones who will look around.. watch as we kill each other over the lamest of excuses.. and worry about things such as 'am I loosing my girl?'...
maybe.. being self indulgant is not so bad afterall.. maybe, that is more important to humanity.. than all the violence and psychos that lead our nations..
and by the time you finished reading and I've finished typing.. another person died because of hunger.
Guess.. we are the most (un)fortunate people/race/species there is..
It so happened.. that.. off late.. I thought to myself.. have I changed myself? or.. are some of the people around me changing... I know.. it is a kinda stupid question to loose some really valuable sleep over.. but.. strangely.. I just couldn't sleep!
So I did what every self respecting man would.. Go online and watch porn..... nah.. just kidding..
I decided to write myself out.. maybe describe what I feel.. maybe then.. the turbulence inside will finally calm itself down..
But this is where things suddenly changed.. Here I was.. awake at 4 in the morning.. thinking about my little world.. and just surfing through the net, I get a email forward (one among the millions!) on Police brutality on protesting nuns (protesting about the recent vandalising done to churches) and hunger in the world.. Was pretty much a slap on my face..
Here I am.. feeling sad about myself... when the world out there.. seems to be hell bent in destroying each other..
We have people going nuts because, and I quote an awesome video from youtube, 'you believe in another imaginary God than we do'.. People vandalising churches, mosques and temples.. The atmosphere all charged up.. everybody up in arms.. after all.. how can we bear such an insult.... they come into our homes (yes.. the same very temples and churches that we dreaded and rolled up and played dear to avoid going.. is now the most important building in our life!).. tarnish the idols (most people after reading the news report now realise that the temple/churche or babe heaven as most of us knew it, also had an idol inside :P)
Now how can we NOT kill a few dozen innocent people from their side for such a dastardly act! Afterall, the new idol with the black polish on it surely looks like it changed its race.. Imagine the torture the temple/church preiest will go through.. trying to clean it up! Or still worse.. Imagine if he can't clean it.. Suddenly the God seems less holy now that his race is changed.. I bet they wouldn't even care that the idol has a nice waxy shine cuz of the rubbing..
Now.. I know I'll probably have to apologise to half the priests around and hide cuz of the fatwah that will be now issued on me, but, don't you think its about high time we stopped giving a crap about what people do to our 'holy scared religious places'? I mean, sure, it is not very curtious to do such a thing, but, the very second you let it get to you.. you become the sucker in this!
I wonder how things would be in an alternate universe.. where the majority are atheists.. Would there be violence everytime someone puts a little Jesus or whatever statue in an Atheist temple (or disc or metro or wherever they gather)? Imagine the pain one would undergo, but looking at such a thing.. called as.. "Gawd" or.. is it spelt 'God', oh who cares.. Lets just go and kill people..
Guess its us, the fortunate ones who will look around.. watch as we kill each other over the lamest of excuses.. and worry about things such as 'am I loosing my girl?'...
maybe.. being self indulgant is not so bad afterall.. maybe, that is more important to humanity.. than all the violence and psychos that lead our nations..
and by the time you finished reading and I've finished typing.. another person died because of hunger.
Guess.. we are the most (un)fortunate people/race/species there is..
Friday, July 4, 2008
Blog past 1...
So.. its 1:47AM.. and while my tired body and exhausted mind is screaming for some rest, a small part of me (the insane part.. which.. is not small really..) wants to write a blog at this unearthly hour! So.. here I am!
Funny thing about late nights is the fear associated with it when we were kids. There were these then scary movies, which showed the fatal hour of 12 AM. The time when all the ghosts and monsters dutifully came from wherever they belong, into our realm. They were out there to torture who so ever made the grave mistake of staying up that late! Now, even though I was brave enough to pee my pants in Kindergarten and face humiliation rather than just mention my "urgency" to the teacher, these movies scared the crap out of me! There were these nights when i'd get up at the auspicious time of 12AM, with the urge to drink water . But a quick glance at my wall clock told me that there was more important work to be done. The work being:- to lie down absolutely still so the ghosts wont realise that a gullable little boy is up and all ready to be eaten!
I still remember the time when I forgot the "Our Father" when I had to recite it in school once, it was a shocker for my regious instruction teacher who then had a tough time trying to be a forgiving catholic, but trust me, at times like this, I uttered the "holy prayer" with the utmost dedication and desperation! I even made sure that every holy latin word in the prayer was not substituted by the powerless english translation!
But as the saying goes, times change people change this small little gullable boy grew up to become fearless of the 12AM danger. He now bravely walks to the kitchen and gets the water his body needs. If this were his childhood, his throat the next morning would probably make the sahara look like a wet marshland!
I guess I now understand the meaning of the ritual many african tribes have, to signify the passage of a boy to a man. I guess, getting the water in many ways signifies the growth of maturity and bravery in me thus, enabling my passage to manhood.
I'd like to elaborate more, but its almost 3AM, and from what I remember from the movie Exorcism of Emily Rose, this is the real time when the ghosts come out! Time to go and stay absolutely still and recite the latin Our Father!
Funny thing about late nights is the fear associated with it when we were kids. There were these then scary movies, which showed the fatal hour of 12 AM. The time when all the ghosts and monsters dutifully came from wherever they belong, into our realm. They were out there to torture who so ever made the grave mistake of staying up that late! Now, even though I was brave enough to pee my pants in Kindergarten and face humiliation rather than just mention my "urgency" to the teacher, these movies scared the crap out of me! There were these nights when i'd get up at the auspicious time of 12AM, with the urge to drink water . But a quick glance at my wall clock told me that there was more important work to be done. The work being:- to lie down absolutely still so the ghosts wont realise that a gullable little boy is up and all ready to be eaten!
I still remember the time when I forgot the "Our Father" when I had to recite it in school once, it was a shocker for my regious instruction teacher who then had a tough time trying to be a forgiving catholic, but trust me, at times like this, I uttered the "holy prayer" with the utmost dedication and desperation! I even made sure that every holy latin word in the prayer was not substituted by the powerless english translation!
But as the saying goes, times change people change this small little gullable boy grew up to become fearless of the 12AM danger. He now bravely walks to the kitchen and gets the water his body needs. If this were his childhood, his throat the next morning would probably make the sahara look like a wet marshland!
I guess I now understand the meaning of the ritual many african tribes have, to signify the passage of a boy to a man. I guess, getting the water in many ways signifies the growth of maturity and bravery in me thus, enabling my passage to manhood.
I'd like to elaborate more, but its almost 3AM, and from what I remember from the movie Exorcism of Emily Rose, this is the real time when the ghosts come out! Time to go and stay absolutely still and recite the latin Our Father!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
More to Fill in my tiny head!!
Long long ago, when the world Co2 emissions were a lot lesser and when scientists just discovered the Ozone hole in the atmosphere, I was in school..
With school came exams, and with exams, the exam mantra! While my friends had their own copyrighted mantras, mine was something that was drilled into me by my relatives and parents. It went something like "Oooommm Study now and get into a nice college and ur life is made namaha"!
I stuck to that mantra through thick and thin! Numerous episodes of duck tales and mickey mouse were sacrificed using the power of this mantra. My faith on the mantra was as strong as Lindsay Lohan's addiction to.. er.. "Party Juices"...
Now as the years progressed, the mantra made small changes.. From Get into a nice college it became get into a nice engineering college and ur life is made.. it further evolved to get into a nice company and ur life is made..
Needless to say.. my "hardly" studying just before the exams and the divine help from God (to boost my eyesight to be able to decipher the coded handwriting of my classmates in the exam hall) made the constant ranting of the mantra stop!..
I now had completed the final stage. I looked around satisfied with myself. Expecting the highest respect and honour on my return home I marched forward. I took my two steps forward and a new mantra crashed down on my head! This time it my company.. It went about something like this..
"Study for xyz certifications and we wont fire you"..
Hard to argue with a mantra made from the highest of moral ethics and dictated by God to us mortals so we don't mess it up...
Now I look around.. My life is still not made.. Infact.. my life was more "made" when I was in kindergarten! My breakfast, lunch and dinner was made. My clothes were made. My homework even was made!!
Now I look at 1000 pages of Java (no.. not the coffee).. Trying to make sense of it.. Page 45 done.. 955 pages left to go!.. Piece of cake..
With school came exams, and with exams, the exam mantra! While my friends had their own copyrighted mantras, mine was something that was drilled into me by my relatives and parents. It went something like "Oooommm Study now and get into a nice college and ur life is made namaha"!
I stuck to that mantra through thick and thin! Numerous episodes of duck tales and mickey mouse were sacrificed using the power of this mantra. My faith on the mantra was as strong as Lindsay Lohan's addiction to.. er.. "Party Juices"...
Now as the years progressed, the mantra made small changes.. From Get into a nice college it became get into a nice engineering college and ur life is made.. it further evolved to get into a nice company and ur life is made..
Needless to say.. my "hardly" studying just before the exams and the divine help from God (to boost my eyesight to be able to decipher the coded handwriting of my classmates in the exam hall) made the constant ranting of the mantra stop!..
I now had completed the final stage. I looked around satisfied with myself. Expecting the highest respect and honour on my return home I marched forward. I took my two steps forward and a new mantra crashed down on my head! This time it my company.. It went about something like this..
"Study for xyz certifications and we wont fire you"..
Hard to argue with a mantra made from the highest of moral ethics and dictated by God to us mortals so we don't mess it up...
Now I look around.. My life is still not made.. Infact.. my life was more "made" when I was in kindergarten! My breakfast, lunch and dinner was made. My clothes were made. My homework even was made!!
Now I look at 1000 pages of Java (no.. not the coffee).. Trying to make sense of it.. Page 45 done.. 955 pages left to go!.. Piece of cake..
Sunday, June 15, 2008
life.. or something like it....
One boring sunday afternoon, a person decides to go ahead and open his mind.. to the world..
Why??
Maybe because he is just bored.. or maybe.. it just that he wants a medium to spill all the vile and filth in his scarcely convoluted brain..
So.. assuming that person is me.. (*surprise surprise*).. here goes..
Ever wonder what the parents of a dying child would want??
sure.. everyone might say.. they would want a healthy kid.. and nothing else..
WRONG!!!
The world that we live in.. well.. human beings that we have around.. are highly over rated pieces of "the creator"..
now most people would think.. ok.. so.. this bored testosterone infected wonder of "the creator" saw the ndtv interview of the mother who's daughter was killed and has just lost faith in all humanity...
WRONG again!!..
Turns out.. another event had me realise.. the highly over rated aspect of "parents love".. is.. well.. over rated!
No.. it wasn't my parents not givng me ice cream when I was little, and it wasn't even the fact that they did not want me doing drugs just so I can have an experience of a lifetime..
Imagine living your entire life a slave.. You are constantly abused and locked up.. your basic freedom to speak, your basic fundamental right to freedom.. all gone.. why??
well.. because in an unfortunate random event of love?.. you turned out to be a girl.. and in a bigger unfortunate event.. you turned out to be girl.. in India.. The land of the spices, enchanted snakes and the arranged marriage..
A friend of mine just passed away.. weeks after her "marriage".. obviously.. her parents were in deep agony.. the pain.. so bad.. that it deluded them into saying that she passed away in an accident travelling with her other girlfriends..
fact though.. is that it was guyfriend.. Oh no no no.. it was not her long lost boyfriend... it was not an affair either(even though the experience gained from the wonderful saas bahu serials say otherwise).. it was something even more surreal.. it was.. a guy who was just a friend..
I know this is a strange concept for some.. afterall .. if the noted humanoligist and behavioural expert Dr. Harry from the movie, when Harry met Sally is to be believed.. guys and girls can never be friends.. I forgot if being a brother was even too silly a question to be asked..
None the less.. as it turns out.. the pain and agony of this bunch of loving caring and wonderful parents.. made them say such a thing.. after all.. what wonderful parents would want to live with the shame of having a child that sat next to another guy after marriage!!
Now.. it turns out... they have found the root of the problem and are actively addressing the same to prevent their second daughter from falling for the same grave danger! They have now resolved to prevent the corrupting microwaves of a cellphone and the millions of harmful bacteria spread through meeting other people socially, from affecting the other precious girl..
Some people might call it removing freedom.. but.. hell.. what do they know about microwaves and bacteria!
Sure... i bet people out there are gonna ask.. so.. you want that horrific wester culture induced "love marriage" to corrupt our children?? Goodness.. do you even know that the statistics indicated love marriages fail more than arranged marriages??!!
Well.. maybe true.. but.. statistics also prove that current attrition in a job is way higher than what it used to be when slaves worked for a person..
So lets get the slave system back!!!!!
Funny thing is.. On the one hand we have parents who do a lot of things because of "society" and on the other.. we have mothers giving up their lives.. just to love the one thing that gives them joy.. their kids..
Maybe thats the gift and curse of being and having parents...
Why??
Maybe because he is just bored.. or maybe.. it just that he wants a medium to spill all the vile and filth in his scarcely convoluted brain..
So.. assuming that person is me.. (*surprise surprise*).. here goes..
Ever wonder what the parents of a dying child would want??
sure.. everyone might say.. they would want a healthy kid.. and nothing else..
WRONG!!!
The world that we live in.. well.. human beings that we have around.. are highly over rated pieces of "the creator"..
now most people would think.. ok.. so.. this bored testosterone infected wonder of "the creator" saw the ndtv interview of the mother who's daughter was killed and has just lost faith in all humanity...
WRONG again!!..
Turns out.. another event had me realise.. the highly over rated aspect of "parents love".. is.. well.. over rated!
No.. it wasn't my parents not givng me ice cream when I was little, and it wasn't even the fact that they did not want me doing drugs just so I can have an experience of a lifetime..
Imagine living your entire life a slave.. You are constantly abused and locked up.. your basic freedom to speak, your basic fundamental right to freedom.. all gone.. why??
well.. because in an unfortunate random event of love?.. you turned out to be a girl.. and in a bigger unfortunate event.. you turned out to be girl.. in India.. The land of the spices, enchanted snakes and the arranged marriage..
A friend of mine just passed away.. weeks after her "marriage".. obviously.. her parents were in deep agony.. the pain.. so bad.. that it deluded them into saying that she passed away in an accident travelling with her other girlfriends..
fact though.. is that it was guyfriend.. Oh no no no.. it was not her long lost boyfriend... it was not an affair either(even though the experience gained from the wonderful saas bahu serials say otherwise).. it was something even more surreal.. it was.. a guy who was just a friend..
I know this is a strange concept for some.. afterall .. if the noted humanoligist and behavioural expert Dr. Harry from the movie, when Harry met Sally is to be believed.. guys and girls can never be friends.. I forgot if being a brother was even too silly a question to be asked..
None the less.. as it turns out.. the pain and agony of this bunch of loving caring and wonderful parents.. made them say such a thing.. after all.. what wonderful parents would want to live with the shame of having a child that sat next to another guy after marriage!!
Now.. it turns out... they have found the root of the problem and are actively addressing the same to prevent their second daughter from falling for the same grave danger! They have now resolved to prevent the corrupting microwaves of a cellphone and the millions of harmful bacteria spread through meeting other people socially, from affecting the other precious girl..
Some people might call it removing freedom.. but.. hell.. what do they know about microwaves and bacteria!
Sure... i bet people out there are gonna ask.. so.. you want that horrific wester culture induced "love marriage" to corrupt our children?? Goodness.. do you even know that the statistics indicated love marriages fail more than arranged marriages??!!
Well.. maybe true.. but.. statistics also prove that current attrition in a job is way higher than what it used to be when slaves worked for a person..
So lets get the slave system back!!!!!
Funny thing is.. On the one hand we have parents who do a lot of things because of "society" and on the other.. we have mothers giving up their lives.. just to love the one thing that gives them joy.. their kids..
Maybe thats the gift and curse of being and having parents...
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