So the earth makes another revolution around the big glowing nuclear furnace, and like all homosapiens, every once a while there is this instant that is "special" and is a day when your fellow mates acknowledge your existence and spend time celebrating another period of your existence with them. I would like to believe that I have experenced 26 of these events, but honestly, I remember only a handful. Like all other memories, many of these events have faded. Funny though, the aspect I cherish the most is not how the event went about, but the fact that people spent time to actually acknowledge me. A multitude of friends have come and gone, many leaving a mark. The un-changing bedrock of my family has forever wished me.
As the years have passed, I think of my parents ever so often. I see them and I do get depressed that like me, they too have aged. I really wish they didn't. I guess the distance between us has made me forget the unsavoury bits of our life together and made me remember the fond bits and cherish it all the more often. I have a deep grudge against my fairly useless memory, but I am ever so glad that it has also chosen to forget the bitterness of every close relationship I have had and still have. Now, looking through the frost glass of memories, I look back at the distilled honey that seems to have filled my past. A truly enchanting time...
A lot has changed since our rock has circled the big fiery mess of a nuclear reaction, I have grown taller over the years and stopped. I have had various view points that at the time really had me convinced of its authenticity and validity only to see myself at the opposite side of the fence a few years after. I have had people touch my lives as I have had the opportunity to touch the lives of others. The only aspect that eludes me are the big questions.
I am not sure why I expect myself to know the answers of the big questions. Perhaps it was the expectations I had as a kid that an adult was the person with the answers. In many cases, they indeed did have the answers. I dunno if it was just me, but at the time, the adults seemed so sure of themselves. They always had the answer and most often than not seemed to be spot on! I always thought that magically, I would be one of those all knowing adults. I have to admit, all those revolutions our pretty little rock has endured has not helped me become that all knowing adult. As I blew out those candles, I felt myself evaluating myself and grossly falling short of the passing grade.
Sometimes, I wonder, am I the only person who feels this way? Perhaps it makes me all the more reliant to look at my parent for their insight. It makes me all the more fearful of their loss. I do not wish to lose them. Through this outlook, life surely seems cruel.
